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Marriage Dilemma : Why Marriages Don't Last

Why Marriages Don’t Last : Marriage Dilemma

If you ask anyone why marriages fail, people simply say due to “ego” or “non adjustment”

But in my opinion marriages fail because of “unconditioned mind”

Ask a girl top 5 qualities she wants in her man? You’ll get textbook correct answers.
viz Honesty, Loyalty, Smartness…

In reality just like men are drooled by a beautiful face and figure,
99.99% majority of men will go for a “beautiful outspoken bitchy girl” rather than a “well mannered homely girl”

Similarly, Women too are driven not by qualities of a man, but what he possesses.

One of the reason for Marriage Dilemma : Why Marriages Don’t Last.

Whether it’s arrange or love marriage, the chief deciding factor for a girl is Possession of a man; covered under various pretexts.

The family system convinces a girl to marry this guy and you have “secured” your future lifestyle, the prime reason for conflicts,

extra marital affairs and divorces later.

Coz only 1% of girls ever go for a guy who is “middle class” or “poor”, no matter how much time they have spent together.

In India, a Rich family means “Khandaani” , “Izzatdaar”, “Bade Log”. It has got hardly anything to do with the man’s qualities. Only richness of family.

So, the marriage dilemma is on account of wrong beliefs and traditions instilled since childhood and also girl’s instinct that I deserve a man

who can afford me this and that …

It works for a while and then fizzles out. Both in Arranged & Love Marriages equally.

Result : Today we see divorces even in traditional conservative families.

Infact Divorce has gained more acceptance than a girl’s own choice to marry, across religions.

A lot of Indian marriages survive because people are out at work and socializing separately but this lockdown has

compelled spouses who are not in sync to cohabit in a limited space.

A lot of marriages that were on the brink of a breakup will also find it difficult to survive the lockdown

Even small issues such as “switching off the airconditioner’’ are raising temperatures in some

marriages – a Divorce Lawyer

Why does this happen? Especially with the person we once longed for.

What equation changed post marriage? It is well said “familiarity breeds contempt”

It happen’s because of instant reaction, to not wait a sec before putting the other person down.

And when this instances grow day by day, we have the ultimate fight and a road towards seperation.

That’s why a live-in relationship is better to understand a person. In Dating, you are still not sharing ultimate space

with the person. Ultimate space as in staying together for major part of day and night for months.

Marriage Dilemma : Why Marriages Don’t Last

There are two possibilities for the marriage dilemma, either you are denied something or you are offered something you don’t want.

What is the underlying element here?

Expectation!

Expectations from other’s are always going to let you down. You need to overcome the plethora of expectations.

Everyone wants a world class treatment, without fretting over the fact, whether you too offer the same treatment to other’s.

Have you noticed how quickly our habit’s change at a 5 Star? If we are not used to it.

The hospitality and the ambience makes a lot of difference. We tend to be utterly polite at such places.

For Ex., let’s say you ask for a specific dish which is not available at that time.

The attendant comes and says, in a soothing polite tone, “Sorry Madam, I have checked with our chef and the kitchen team,

this dish is available only in the morning. Really Sorry for not able to serve you the dish. What we could do for you is make

another dish, with the same flavour, I am sure you will enjoy it. Shall I order the same? Sorry once again.

Your mood is completely twisted by the attendant’s response, you feel like what he really means, and he is really

sorry for not being able to serve you.

Hardly, do you say in your mind, “What sort of 5 Star it is?”; which you would normally say to the people accompanying

you at any other restaurant.

What changed here?

The other person’s response. To do and say the nastiest thing is the nicest way, is the hallmark of hospitality industry!

If one follows, this logic in marriages, there will be less dilemma in marriages, why marriages won’t last then?

But this is a habit, which can be developed as part of your persona. It can’t be developed as a standalone trait, for keeping

marriages alive.

If you want to grow in life, grow as a person, you need to visit those places where the rich people freak out.

You’ll see how they interact, how they behave. Ofcourse, not all would be the same.

If you try to take out the positives alone, you’ll win in all situations.

Now, you will say, then “Why their Marriages don’t last? If it was so all rich people would be happy.

To that, I’ll say, the rich don’t have a problem of scarcity, they have the problem of plenty.

For us, the problem is to choose one, for them the problem is how to choose one? why to choose when you can have both.

And we all understand, what happens if we have something in plenty, we loose the value for it, right?

Basic Demand & Supply theory.

If you want to learn more about the marital problems of the rich go through the following blog

Marriage Dilemma : of The Rich

Marriage Dilemma & Why Marriages Don’t Last

  • The first and foremost reason is “unconditioned mindset of society”

Earlier generation’s were married by their parent’s brides and grooms had no choice.

Today, we have a choice

  • The choice also comes from being independent, earlier couple’s were dependent on each other.

A man was provider, a woman was preserver. A man worked and provided means of livelihood.

With education of women and being self reliant, they have their own mind and thought process, freedom of choice.

That was not the case with our ancestor’s.

  • We interact with different groups of friends from school, college, office colleagues and travel mates.

acquaintances – so everyone has developed a comfort zone.

The earlier generation of women’s interaction was limited to family and neighbours.

So focus was more on family and not on social media.

  • With education and freedom, women have become independent, they can’t take a bullshit. Which often doesn’t go well

with the traditional family, which has specified do’s and dont’s.

A son may follow it as per family practice but a daughter in law who comes from other family system may have different

way of doing things.

Especially, where fights between couple’s erupt due to family member’s of the groom.

Eating and cooking patterns, other varied differences.

For example, I consulted a client, she was married for a year. It was an arranged marriage.

Both were working within different locations in the city.

  • The husband was pure veg, the girl relished non-veg.

This was known prior to marriage. Now, the girl gave up the habit of non-veg as the groom didn’t eat or like it.

Though he or his family had not restricted her and the couple stayed alone, not with their family.

However, her mother used to send cooked non-veg for her daughter.

The dilemma of the girl was she could not say, no to her mother, as that would hurt her feelings.

There were couple of other issues too.

However, this type of very basic problems which are known beforehand can create unnecessary tension.

The girl had herself given up non-veg, she was not asked to. For her she had made the adjustment.

When a fight erupts what would the groom say, “I had not asked you to, you did it yourself”

And then minor issues like this when add up and the differences erupt regularly, the marital life instead of turning bliss

turns into a marriage dilemma – people mostly girls and young girls rush to us.

I have hardly seen men do or take professional advice.

They mostly discuss it over a peg or two with friends, let go their tensions –  Only to create a bigger tension going back home drunk.

Which wife likes her husband to come home drunk?

And this spill over’s for next day’s fight.

 

Check https://youtu.be/tyI3X9-fvGI

The things which really matter at the end of life is contentment and peace. Sadly, these cannot be bought.

https://www.instagram.com/vikasagade/

https://youtu.be/tyI3X9-fvGI

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